My illness

My illness

I think I have an illness. I suffer from chronic foot-in-mouth disease (popularly called ‘CFMD’), and spend ages brooding over what I said, wishing desperately I had not said it or said it in a more refined manner. “Mulling over a verbal faux pas is mortifying”, and of course, the time that I spend brooding could be better spent on thinking about those statements before I uttered them. But this is easier said than done. However, it is a wonder that not many folks take this issue as seriously as other communication issues considering the fact that the after-effects of CFMD range from momentary embarrassment and mental stress to relationship issues in the long run.

Most people often speak impulsively without pausing to consider that the impact of their words may be inappropriate or hurtful to others. And, that way, they put their foot in their mouth occasionally, making insensitive, inane, embarrassing or infuriating comments. A scientific observation by American neuro-psychiatrist and author Dr. Diane Hennacy Powell makes lot of sense. He says - “We think we make conscious decisions, but actually, most of these decisions are made subconsciously.” So measured speech can’t be achieved by just monitoring words before they leave our mouth. It has to be worked on, by disciplining the mind and correcting irksome speech habits that we have picked up along the way.

As for me, I say things at times without meaning to be disparaging just to fill in the silence, rather than seem non-communicative. Introspection helps improvement and the good news is that a calm mind can be cultivated to avoid such verbal faux pas. Breathing exercises or ‘pranayama’ (the rhythmic breathing exercise in which exhalation is twice as long as the inhalation) is one way. “In yogic philosophy, we say, ‘as the breath is, so the mind is’. When the breath becomes longer and steadier, the mind also becomes calm and steady. So if you take care of your breath, the mind is taken care of automatically. In fact, breath has a great influence on all our physiological functions, not just on the mind and emotions. A 20-minute breathing exercise session every day can improve our breathing pattern through the day, and our mind will grow calm and strong.

There are some quick fixes for emergencies too. When one feels agitated, taking a few seconds to watch your breath and then taking a few deep breaths will calm one down considerably. When we are calm, we don’t rush to make statements. This is akin to an ace cricketer who to takes time to study the ball, rather than rush to hit it. Staying calm gives a person that extra moment to think of the words before they spill out of the mouth.

Avoiding FMD situations is not easy. I am sure it also calls for learning and practising etiquette during a conversation: realizing that it is better to stay silent than to talk nonsense - that a rejoinder is not always required for every statement made to us; that non-committal grunts and exclamations can be used to say nothing, and yet not seem to be unresponsive and aloof.