SANDHYAVANDANAM – THE BACKGROUND

SANDHYAVANDANAM – THE BACKGROUND

Scriptural Authority (Pramanam)

·         There are references in the vedas regarding Sandyavandanam. A reference occurs in "Second prasna, Second Anuvaka of Thaithria Aranyaka (Yajur Veda)", explaining procedure of worship. The procedure of worship indicated is by offering "Arghya" (water in the palms of both hands thrown up), at the time of sunrise and sunset, meditating on Aditya (Sun).

·   Ishvashya upanishad of Shukla Yajurveda also refers to Sun worship as above at sunrise and sunset.

·     Chandogya upanisad (Chapter 2 Section 6) discusses "Aditya vidya" explaining the importance of meditation of Sun or Aditya at sunrise and sunset, bringing out also the points mentioned above. Chapter 3, Section 12 of this upanishad explains meditation of aditya through gayatri. It also explains that the sun in the horizon outside and the sun element inside us are one and the same and there is no difference. The identity should be kept in mind while meditating through gayatri. This is the meaning of "Asavadityao brahma" recited during sandyavandanam.

·    These views are also echoed in Aditya Hridaya of the Yuddakanda of Ramayan. Agasthya explains to Sri Rama, the merits of worshipping Aditya. Aditya protects everyone, helps them in their duties, gives lustre, removes ignorance and provides happiness. He is friend of water and resides in every living thing.

·         All vedic religions have given great importance to sandyavandanam. It is said that one who does not perform Sandyavandanam is ever impure and is thus rendered unfit to perform the vedic rites - the nitya (daily) or naimithica (occasional) duties prescribed in the scriptures. If however he did perform the duties once in a way in spite of self inflicted impurity (due to non performance of sandyavandanam regularly) the said performance will not yield any result. This point has also been brought out by Poigai alwar (Mudal Tiruvandadi stanza 3).

Meaning and Philosophical significance

·    Aditya represents pure sattwa characteristics and He is bright (prakasa) and light (laghu). He is entrusted with the portfolio of health of souls (chetanas) in our planet as per the distribution of duties during the evolution of the universe. Our human body contains every element of the universe and they get subdued or become invisible due to the character (Rajoguna and tamoguna) of the individuals. However, it is possible to culture any of the elements of the universe present within himself by providing suitable environment. Worship through Arghyam is a process by which the element of Aditya within us can be cultured and in turn acquire the qualities of Aditya - namely lustrous and health preserving quality of the body and mind., light body, high intellect with grasping power, high intuition, memory and many other qualities.

·    The arghya should be offered seeing the sun in the horizon and meditating (through gayatri) on aditya.

·       The Arghyas delivered skyward from the palms of the worshipper serve as missiles to destroy demons known as Mantehars attacking the sun. This statement in the vedas has a great significance. Vedas are also refer red to as Thrayi - that is the statements  have three meanings (external, internal and philosophical). The philosophical meaning of this statement is important. The element of sun in our body is clouded by our "Rajoguna" and "Tamoguna". The Arghyams offerred as worship to Sun or Aditya at sunrise and sunset will help free the sun element in us. The word Manteha also means body, therefore the word mantehars refers to the devils in our body.

Format and Anatomy 

Purification	Achamanam, pranayanam
Statement of  purpose	Sankalpah
Surrender and dedication	Satvika Tyaga
Purification	Prokshanam, Prasanam, Achamanam, Punya Prokshanam
Getting rid of demons	Arghyam
Purification	pranayanam
Apology for any delay	Prayaschita Arghyam
Purification	achamanam
Thanks for benefits received	Kesavadi Tarpanam
Purification	Achamanam, japa vidhih
Preparation for gayatri	Pranayaman mantra japa,
Bringing in the Lord for protection	gayatri aavahanam
Purification	Gayatri Japam, Pranayamam
Realization of the presence of the Lord	upastanam
Salutations to the sandya gods	sandyadi devata vandanam
Expression of one's lineage	Abhivadanam
Salutations to the directional gods	Dikvandanam
Surrender and dedication	satvika tyaga
Remembering archa murthys	SriRanga mangala manim
·  The vedic references bring out the importance of worshipping Aditya through Arghyam and meditation through Gayatri at sunrise and sunset. ·   Keeping the above in view, the sages of the past have given a format for the performance of sandyavandanam (using vedic hymns) during sunrise, midday and sunset. In Yagna prakarana, vedas also bring out the importance of 'Sudhikarana' or purification. The purification covers both inside and outside of our body. Hence the format includes the purification process. "Prokshanam" is an external purification process, Prasanam and Pranayanam are internal purifiation processes.

Who can perform

• Sandyavandanam is performed by an individual after "Upanayanam". Upanayanam is a vedic ritual prescribed for Brahmins, Khshatriyas and Vaishyas. it includes wearing of Yagnopavitham and learning of gayathri mantra.
• The upanayanam entitles one to learn and recite vedas and perform rituals.
• Yagnopavitha is a thread going around the body from left shoulder to navel and back to left shoulder via our back. Thus it symbolises a thread going around our Antaryami or vishnu seated in our heart.
• Yagnopavitha orthe sacred thread is a thread with three strands, each strand containing three threads. The nine threads correspond to the nine deities installed (Prithvi, aap, tejas, vayu, ether, prana, atman, antaratman, paramatman). The installation of the deities is done as per the prescribed procedure.
• The three strands of the yagnopavitha are knotted together. This symbolises the conjunction of the three tattvas of the Srivaishnava philodsophy - namely Cit, Acit and Eswara. This also brings out that cit, acit and eswara cannot be shown separately.
• The 3 strands also exhibit the presence of satwa, rajas and tamas gunas or characteristics of an individual. The deities installed help to improve our sattwa character. Though the installation of the deities is done only once before wearing, this charge is continued or recharged through recitation of gayatri everyday during sandyavandanam. Only a thread on which the deities have been installed will be yagnopavitham or sacred thread or charged thread.
• The knot in the yagnopavitha is said to symbolise Pranava or Om which comprises the three letters namely Aa (denoting Vishnu) Uu (denoting Goddess Lakshmi) and Ma (denoting soul or self).
• Vedas and Smrithis prescribe the age of upanayanam for Brahmins at seven. The age should not exceed sixteen in any case.

When to perform

• The Vedas prescribe prayers at sunrise and sunset.. Sunrise constitues a change from darkness to light and hence a sandhya time (that is a time of junction). This is referred to as Pratha Sandhya. The Sun set constitutes a change from light to darkness and hence a sandhya time, this is referred to as Sayam Sandhya. To these two our sages have added a third known as Madhyanika or midday, constituting a change from an ascending sun to a descending sun in the sky. The addition of Madyanika has yet another significance, during this time we can see offer our prayers seeing the sun.
• The benefits of Pratah sandyavandanam is best when performed before sunrise and stars are visible; average when performed before sunrise but stars have disappeared; poor after sunrise. Similarly for 'Sayam sandyavandanam'; it is best before sunset; average after sunset but before stars appear and poor after stars appear.
• The above view has also been reflected in the hymns forming part of sandyavandanamSamaveda hymns for upastanam the rising sun is saluted (udyantan thvaditya anudiyasam) in Pratha sandyavandanam, while setting sun is saluted (Pratithishtantam thvaditya anupratithistasam) in Sayam sandhyavandanam.
• This pratah sandyavandanam should be started before sunrise and concluded at sunrise.imilarly the sayam sandyavandanam should be started before sunset and concluded at sunset (at local time)
• Again in Yajur veda Prasanam hymns, we have "Ratristadava lumpatu yatkunchaduritam mayi" (May the sins committed  by me be wiped out by the deity controlling the night) in Pratah Sandyavandanam, while in Sayam Sandyavandanam it is 'Aahastadava lumpatu yatkincha duritam mayi" (May the sins committed by me be wiped out by deity controlling day).
• The question arises as to how much before sunrise or sunset. For the purpose of vedic rituals the duration of day (Sunrise to Sunset) is divided into 5 parts, the first part called pratah, second sangava, third madhyahna, fourth Aparahna and the last sayam. Under Indian conditions one fifth part of day or night varies from 2h 10m to 2h 20m (It will be more in higher latitiudes). Thus the benefits of Sabdya extend for a duration of about 2h 10m on either side of sunrise or sunset.
• Under Indian situations it can be broadly indicated that the best period for Pratah Sandyavandanam is between 5 & 6AM while for Sayam sandyavandanam it is between 6 & 7 PM. For Madhyanika it is the third fifth part of the day for maximum benefits.
• The timings above are from considerations of maximum benefit. However it is important to note that benefits will be there even when there are departures and this has been recognized in the smrithis. Every individual should therefore strive to perform Sandyavandanam at a time as close to sunrise or sunset as possible but should not give it up due to circumstances. In these cases, the individual should mentally contemplate on Aditya by reciting one gayatri at the time of sandya from wherever he is place at the time. A person who is unwell can perform Sandyavandam mentally without water from his sick bed.

Things you need

• Vessel: Studies in naturopathy have shown that water kept in copper, silver or gold vessels help to improve bio-electricity in our body. Hence it would be preferable to use copper or silver vessel for sandyavandanam.
• Clothes: Studies in naturopathy have shown that wool and silk are not good conductors of bio-electricity while cotton is. Hence it is desirable to wear cotton clothes while performing sandyavandanam (as we acquuire bio-energy from surroundings).
• Sandyavandanam should be performed outdoor as far as possible.
• Pratah Sandyavandanam is performed facing east. Madyanukam is performed facing east or north. Sayam sandyavandanam is performed facing east upto 'Arghya pradhanam' and facing west beyond that. (Japam is done sitting).

Exceptions

• Manasika snanam and mantra snanam - Snanam means bath. The normal bath we take by pouring water on our body is called "Varuna snanam". Vedas recognize varuna snanam is not possible everywhere and under all circumstances. Hence vedas recognise several alternative forms of bath. (All forms of bath are equal in merit).
• Whenever conventional bath i.e. varuna snanam is not possible, one can perform manasika snanam instead. The procedure for manasika snanm is "Mentally comprehend the lotus feet of the Lord is on your head and water of virija (Heavenly river) from his feet flowing all over your body. Recite the hymn below and sprinkle water over your head.
  Apavitrah Pavithro va Sarvavastam gato apiva |
  Yah Smaret Pundarikaksam sa Bahyabhyantarah sucih ||
• This means "One who meditates on pundarikaksha is cleaned both internally and externally irrespective of the purity earlier.
• Mantra snanam is a bath where in we sprinkle water on our head reciting hymns. Incidentally, this has been included in the sandyavandanam process itself. Prokshanam is a "mantra snana".
• Manasika sandyavandanam means performing the sandyavandanam mentally without water. This can be done under extraordinary circumstances like a long journey etc. Even those who have performed sandyavandanam normally but not within the prescribed limits should offer Arghyam mentally at the Sandhhya time, wherever he is (irrespective of dress etc.)
• In circumstances where Madhyanimikam cannot be performed it can be performed alongwith Pratah Sandyavandanam.  

Recitation of Mantras

• A Hymn or mantra is a prayer (with words and alphabets specially chosen) addressed to God or deity. It is supposed to posess mystic and super natural powers. For best results correct recitation of the mantras is necessary. 
• The energy from the universe is present everywhere. By reciting a mantra either orally or mentally, we tune ourselves to receive this energy. This is very similar to tuning a radio receiver to receive the electromagnetic waves around us.
• Our sages through meditation have asessed the power of the various mantras and their applications to different situations and purposes.
• The Chandas explains the potential of the mantra or the power it can create in our body by reciting it. It is for this purpose that the mantras must be recited in sanskrit only (as given by sages) and any equivalent translation will have no effect.
• The mantras should be recited with due weightage to the characteristics of the alphabet namely Hasva (short), dheerga (long), alpaprana (less weightage), Maha Prana (heavy weightage). The vibration characteristics of a mantra is very important. The words and alphabets have been chosen to achieve this objective. This is akin to combining the seven notes to produce different ragas or tunes.
• Every mantra is preceded by a verse indicating the name of sage, chandas, deity to whom the hymn is addressed and the purpose for which the mantra is used. The name of the sage indicates the sage who has achieved god realization through this mantra. The chandas indicates its potential. The purpose is also indicated as the same hymn can be used in different contexts.

Science, electricity and health        

• There is a flow of electricity in the human body (this characteristic is used in ECG electrocardiogram). This is referred to as bio-electricity. Electric currents pass through10 sets of lines corresponding to 10 fingers and toes. Finger tips and top of head constitute terminal points of these electric lines. Bio-electricity gets charged through water, earth, ether etc.
• It must be appreciated that Sandyavandanam is not just reciting hymns or mantras, but it includes certain actions like stance, touching or making contact of different organs etc.
• All natural therapies are based on the principle that human body has a self healing property. Further if the flow of bio-electricity is normal the body remains fit and healthy. Every person has a natural aura around him (an invisible body of charged particles also called bio-plasmic body). Flow of electricity within our body causes emission of electrons which in turn causes the aura. This field has been photographed through a process known as kirilian photography. This was known in ancient India and was used for health. The inner aura follows the contour of the body while the outer aura is shaped like an inverted egg. and may stretch away from the body some 8-10 inches. Our sages have developed a science known as Vastu shastra where by an environment conducive to this electromagnetic field will help in better concentration, meditation etc. This ancient Indian science has been taken up by modern scientists. A new subject known as geo-biology based on the above priciples is being used in the design of factories etc. to improve efficiency.
• The best application of this principle is in health which was also practiced in ancient india. This ancient science has been developed by one Choa-kuk-sui (The ancient science and art of pranic healing for curing diseases also known as pranic healing.)
• The healing method is one of the naturopathy systems. Detailed investigations and kirilian photography have shown that any disease first enters the bio-plasmic body and then our visible physical body. Hence the healing process attempts to rectify the bio-plasmic body through induction of bio-energy at specific points of the body known as chakras. Remedial measures also include use of energised water.
• Studies have shown that meditation has great influence on the brain cells that are known to produce electric waves of different frequencies.
• In ancient india, one more system of natural therapy i.e. acu-pressure therapy existed. This system also recognises the existence of electricity which is responsible for our health. This system recognises our palm and finger tips as control boards for manipulation or alteration of bio-electricity. Healing is achieved by applying slight pressure to specific points.
• In vedic rites water is used for purification. Modern scientists by passing sound waves through water have produced gas bubbles emitting blue light with very high temperature inside. These studies indicate the capacity of sound waves to energise water.
• A vedic rite known as udakashanti is performed in which water is kept in a copper vessel and vedic hymns are chanted by a group of vedic scholars, some vedic scholars have found that the temperature of water in the vessel has gone up substantially. Punyahavchanam is another vedic rite where in water is energised through vedic hymns. This approach in a miniature has been used in Sandyavandanam i.e. prokshanam, prasanam, achamanam etc. Hence while performing these rituals sound waves must be produced emnating from the mouth.
• Vedic rituals like pranayanam or japam have impact on bio-electricity. Electro cardiograms taking in a normal state, during pranayanam and during pranayanam mantra japam have been taken and they indicate substabtial changes during prnanayanam and japam confirming the fact that we absorb bio-electricity during these rituals.
• Sandyavandanam is essentially prayers to the Supreme Lord at sandya time. Though God realization is the main objective the importance of healthy body and mind have been duly recognized. Apart from reciting hymns it also includes karanas - namely stance, touching different parts of the body etc. They help to achieve the twin objectives of god realization and health.

The Pancha Poojas

The Pancha Poojas

According to the traditional Vedic system, the Hindus are prescribed 5 daily Vedic pujas for all round prosperity and to ward off all evils. The pancha pujas are:

1.   Ganesha Pooja,

2.   Soorya pooja,

3.   Shiva Pooja,

4.   Devi Pooja and

5.   Vishnu Pooja.

A brief and simple pooja to the five deities, including the famous Sri Chakra pooja is best suited. Pooja is the Hindu ritual of worshiping God in a systematic manner as prescribed in the Vedic scriptures. An idol or image or symbol of the deity is kept and worshiped by chanting the mantras & verses. The various names of the deity and the mantras are recited. The number of times they are recited depends on one's convenience, capacity and time (Yatha Shakti). Some recite 108 times, or 1008 or more. It is a way of expressing ones faith in God, a way of seeking salvation and a way of seeking His blessings to ward off the troubles and to ask Him to grant ones desired goals and objectives. There several types of poojas of these deities and some of them can take a whole day. The way a pooja is performed also varies depending on ones regional and traditional back ground. Various pooja books and websites prescribe long preparations and rituals for poojas. It is not possible for every one to perform a pooja like an ordained Vedic priest. Hence our scriptures allow one to do a pooja "Yatha shakti" or as per ones capability and convenience. Doing it with faith is what really matters. Various offerings like fruits, flowers, camphor, sweets, milk etc. are offered. These are called Shodasa Upacharas. The minimum is to light a lamp and an incense stick and offer some Prasad, preferably keeping an idol or photograph of the deity.

About Homas

·     Homa is an ancient Hindu ritual performed to invoke Agni, the God of fire, by offering Ghee (clarified butter) and other sacrificial offerings. As Havih means Ghee, Havisha means offering and Yagya means sacrifice, Homa is also called Havan and Yagya.

·    After performing the Pooja, a fire is lit in a Homakunda. If one has done 1000 mantra recitals during the pooja, the 1/10 of that number, i.e., 100 times the mantra is recited again and with each mantra recital Ghee is pored into the Homakunda. Other offerings like cooked rice etc are also offered as prescribed. The ingredients vary according to the deity worshiped. Brahma is the creator of the world and the Sun God is His son. The Sun is the main source of energy and fire represents Sun. Hence ending the Pooja with offering to fire is considered very auspicious and enhances the beneficial effects of the pooja.

·      Technically a Homa and Yagya (also called Yajna) are the same but Yagya is a much larger scale Homa. To give you an idea: the famous Ekadasa Rudram where normally 11 pundits perform the Homa is called Rudra Ekadasa Homam. Where as the Ati Rudram, where 121 pundits perform the Homa is called Ati Rudra Yagya.

·        Another perspective - Ashoka, Akbar & Vikramaditya were Maharajas, i.e., kings. As they ruled vast kingdoms they were also called "Chakravarti", i.e.,  Emperors. Where as the maharaja of Junagad and the maharaja of Patiala were only kings and not emperors. So if you get a Havan/Homa done by a few pundits, you should not call it a Yagya. So the questions to ask include-

o   what all will be performed,

o   how many recitals and homa offerings,

o   by how many pundits it will be performed,

o   the date time and the venue of the homa!

How the Poojas work

·        The Hindu theology is based on the theory of Karma or fate. The good and the bad acts by you have a positive or negative effect on your soul. This balance sheet of your Karma is carried forward from life to life. It is based on this that you have good and bad experiences in your life. You may commit a murder and may get away with the police and the law. Or you may cheat your partner or spouse and hoodwink him. But there is no escaping His cosmic x-ray. Your account gets debited and the law of Karma is as certain as Newton's third law of motion. Sometimes you experience the effects of your Karma in this life and sometimes in the next life.

·  According to the Vedic scriptures and the learned saints, performing mantra-japa, stotra recital, dana, pooja/homa etc. are auspicious as they produce positive effects and counteract and remove or at least reduce the negative Karma and improve your life.

· The poojas and homas work when performed properly reciting the prescribed mantras, using the prescribed ingredients, by making the required homa sacrifices and doing the prescribed dana etc to the pundits.

· To counteract the negative influences of the planets and their bad yogas/doshas, or to improve and attain various desired objectives, the scriptures have prescribed several poojas and homas of various deities.

·   The deity is worshipped in the prescribed ritualistic manner with mantras and offerings, the Brahmins are given anna-dana, vastra-dana and dakshina etc. The positive influence of these give you positive results. Better results and an inner strength and confidence are experienced. Sometimes the results are instant and sometimes they are slow. But they are certain.

·        If you can perform a pooja yourself, nothing like it. It gives the best results. However not many know how to perform a ritualistic pooja, or the patience to do repeated mantra japa with concentration. Those who don't know take the help of the priests to do it for them.

BRAHMIN

BRAHMIN

·         The word Brahmin means many things to many people, resulting in confusion. 

·     One of the reasons for this confusion is Sanskrit language, in which, many words in Sanskrit have many meanings.  So, depending upon the context one has to absorb the meaning of the word.

·         The word Brahmana (hereinafter "Brahmin") means the one who knows God, one who has the knowledge of God, one who has the knowledge of Vedas, an intellectual, a priest, a teacher, a professor, a person belonging to Brahmin caste, knowing the text related to Vedas, and so on.

·         The 6 deeds/traits of a Brahmin are as follows:

1.    To learn

2.    To teach

3.    To worship for yourself

4.    To worship for others

5.    To give what you can

6.    To accept what is offered in love

·   Accordingly, priests in a mosque, church, a synagogue, a gurudwara etc. may all be Brahmins, too because they are all obviously, having the knowledge of God and because they are intellectuals. However, they may not be Brahmins as they may not have the knowledge of the Vedas and they may not belong to the Brahmin caste and certainly, they may not be vegetarians.

·        The process of learning involves exposure to information based on which one forms ideas, views and assessments. Knowledge pertaining to the universe is tangible to the human mind, but spiritual knowledge is elusive to rational enquiry. The Vedas are a comprehensive source of knowledge spanning both the physical and metaphysical worlds.

·        The term ‘Brahma Jignasa’ implies the desire to know the Brahman. When one is prompted to enquire about Brahman, it is up to the individual to assess the validity of the means of gaining knowledge, and to evaluate its relevance, purpose, and correctness. So a constant exposure to this knowledge, through listening (sravana) and contemplation (manana) is required in this enquiry into Brahman, and there is no shortcut.

·         In the Vedas, there is information about how to lead a purposeful life and accomplish one’s goals. These goals are collectively known as Purusharthas &are broadly classified into 4:

1.    Dharma (righteous living),

2.    Artha (material possessions),

3.    Kama (sense pleasures for enjoyment and happiness) and

4.    Moksha (liberation).

·         The first 3 pertain to life on earth, while the 4^th leads to the path of salvation.

·      The Karmakanda section of the Vedas deals with the means of attaining the first 3 goals. Based on their guidance, one may persevere to achieve the results aimed for. The Vedas also point out that these 3 goals have their limitations. Attaining these goals needs much effort; and maintaining what is gained is a still greater challenge since these are not permanent and can be lost at any point of time. This loss will also cause pain and sorrow. The sense of happiness projected in these goals is only a false sense of euphoria.

·       So the Vedas also show the way to permanent bliss which is the ultimate goal in the section known as Jnanakanda. Herein is shown the path to the superior knowledge about the Self. It is the knowledge of one’s own true nature; and understanding this itself can lead to moksha.

Most of the practicing Brahmins adhere to the principles learnt therein, such as:

·         Acceptance of the Vedas with reverence;

·       Recognition of the fact that the means or ways to salvation and realization of the truth are diverse but God is one,

·      God has innumerable names and forms to chant and worship due to our varied perceptions, cultures and languages; and that

·        A Brahmin works or needs to work not only for the welfare of his near and dear but also the entire society and so on. 

·     Brahmins also give tremendous importance to purity of body and mind and hence attach importance to ritual baths and cleanliness.

·         Daily practices of Brahmins include:

o   Sandhyavandana (prayers to Gayatri and Sun God),

o   Prayer to ishtadaiva (personal God),

o   Yoga,

o   Non-violence,

o   Vegetarianism, etc.

·      Everything in the daily life of a Brahmin is a ritual and certain rituals are very special for a practicing Brahmin and those include:

1. Marriage,
2. Ritual conception and consummation of the wedding,
3. Rituals of childbirth, naming ceremony,
4. First feeding ceremony,
5. The child’s first tonsure,
6. Upanayana (the sacred-thread ceremony - initiation into vedic learning and ritual),
7. Ritual baths,
8. Cremation rituals,
9. Shraaddha, etc. 

·         The Vedas are the primary source of knowledge for all Brahmin traditions, both orthodox & heterodox.  All religions of Brahmins and all traditions, in one way or other, take inspiration from the Vedas.  Traditional Brahmin accepts Vedas as apaurusheyam (not man-made), but revealed truths and of eternal validity or relevance and hence the Vedas are considered Srutis that which have been heard and are the paramount source of Brahmin traditions and is believed to be divine.

Parenting - art or science?

PARENTING

Parenting isn’t a limelight kind of role. Neither was camerawork. You are supposed to do it quietly in the background and not hanker for credit. Being a parent, being part of a family, requires one to surrender one’s arrogance first. This requires the courage to be a nobody for a while as the child demands that. This one is the hardest as the child's demands take priority over yours. Personal demands pale in front of the child’s demands. Thus, emerges the time to revisit that version of our life from where one’s self-concept comes from. Suddenly, we learn to give credit where we never gave it before. We start to notice that we are who we are, not only despite where we came from, but because of of the roots and sanskars that grew with us.

One can never plan parenting, because raising children often positions parents in the minefield of political, social and cultural conflicts by default. Becoming a parent feels like one has inadvertently signed up for therapy. Self-therapy, friendship therapy, Internet therapy, runaway therapy, depression therapy, sacrifice therapy… whatever works best. This is the time when one says …It’s time for a personal upgrade. Saying yes to a calmer, better version of oneself.

Children are glorious, they make us laugh, they are thoughtful teachers, they protect us from ourselves. But do we as parents ever realize? Children have an innate sense of justice even if they bring me to the point f breakdown and tears. But, just because I feel like crying, does not mean I am unhappy. Just because I care for the details, does not mean I have gone to pieces. Just because I am jittery, does not mean I am not prepared.

These are feelings and feelings must be felt & expressed. It leads to better productivity, unleashes creativity and protects the sanity in our inner self. This ultimately contributes to better lives. By thinking on their behalf and teaching them to disregard their intuitive feelings, we scar them for life. Spontaneity is replaced with an unexplained visceral anxiety, lack of self confidence in decision making and anger. Brothers and sisters grow up estranged from each other, resentful of their parents and confused about their own worth in the world. Unless we allow ourselves to be expressive with our children and teach them to think and introspect, we are not going to raise children who are better in touch with their inner selves. No amount of beating, slapping and reprimanding is going to substitute good old listening and talking.

We negate the power of family with our ignorance. And then what will happen? Another generation of mindless Facebook and Twitter updates, among other things. Life is never a straight road. It’s a lovely loop really. Coming together, then going our own way. Getting on top of things, then plummeting at top speed. Figuring it out, then forgetting again. Not always getting it, but being determined to deal with it.

Being a parent and raising children offers us a second shot at childhood. Growing up means listening to everyone. Growing up as a parent means listening to everyone and then not listening to anyone. Let sleep catch up with you wherever it finds you. In parenting, you’ve got to learn when to run and when to walk. Ears are useful. Hold them and look sorry when the need arises. Listen. There is so much about our children that we find ourselves unprepared for. I mean personality traits, future perspectives, world-view things. “Mamma, what you just said, can you say that again in Hindi?” Choose your words: Children learn quickly. It’s a familiar story for many of us grown-ups in India. A polite vocabulary for everyday talk and a gush of words in which we express our private self, particularly flashes of anger. We switch languages effortlessly as our moods switch and expressions change. Children pick this up, too. Suppose we listen to our children express themselves patiently, let them speak their mind and not be embarrassed by the things they says casually. What will happen? They will retain confidence in answers instead of clinging to the security of socially relevant questions. Irrelevant questions that paralyse us into inaction as helpless adults can enable kids to feel like responsible, thoughtful, empathetic adults. Give wings to your words, the children will learn to play with the breeze. It is when we refuse to listen to children that they begin to express themselves in other ways. They get crabby, clingy and sickly. They throw tantrums and look for solace in new toys and things. We do the same as adults when we’re stuck with a conflict that we are unable to fathom.

As the children tug at you to slow down. Do nothing. Just listen. Watch. Time will soon fly off. Their attention is sharp, their insights startling. They are keen stakeholders in our venture called marriage. There are things we don’t admit to ourselves that our children can spell out to us simply and articulately. And they do. Children change our life. The unconditional acceptance s/he will offer will shock us parents and move things inside us that we didn’t know existed. Strength and vulnerability, love and exhaustion, illness and laughter, courage and fear - We don’t usually expect to meet these contrary characters together but love and despair, exhilaration and exhaustion hold our hands as if they are twins, demanding equal attention.

As parents, we don’t have to protect our children from meanness and cruelty and make them incompetent to face the realities of the world. We have to show them how to deal with it. That’s how we can change the world around us and influence our children. Our children must feel that we are there for them as providers and nurturers, and that we are happy to give them the things they need and enjoy. But when they take it for granted, and simply grab or pinch things, we need to pull them off the road for a quiet talk that brings in important concepts such as boundaries, rules and honesty. While helicopter parents believe they’re doing the right thing, they actually tend to negatively affect their children’s development in several ways.

“Being there” for our children is to be in a wise but enabling way, so that they become well-rounded adults, is hard mental and emotional work, but it must be done. The key seems to be in remaining interested in your children and not anxiously spreading yourself thin for them and micromanage their lives. Where does the root of this parenting-forever phenomenon lie? It starts from the infamous “board exam” days. The child is “not to be troubled or burdened” with any family responsibilities— be it a sick grandparent, or a wedding to attend, or helping around the house, or being social with the extended family. This goes on with the class XII boards, where the “competition” stakes are higher, so the child is further “protected” from everyday concerns. So it goes on when the young adult is pursuing higher qualifications, at a new job, etc. The pursuit of “excellence” (and, therefore, money) becomes primary and the development of any other socially and personally useful behaviour is simply not expected of the child. When adult life demands that they engage in more than just their careers, the parents step in and provide all the “essential services”. Frankly, this is a way of crippling our children and ensuring we never can or will step out of the equation in a more detached and yet loving way as older parents of grown children.

We are and will always remain our children’s first, most influential, role models. Let the only luck that s parents, we will ever need is the fortune of being chosen again as their parents, if the children are given a choice.

ANJALI - the why of the ritual?

Anjali

·        The bringing together of the palms as a measure of showing devotion and respect is known as ‘anjali’. We have an infinite capacity for wrongdoing, and what can people like us do to reach God? The simplest of things is enough, namely ‘anjali’ and so, the significance of ‘anjali’ cannot be exaggerated. We must first of all realise how unfit we make ourselves to receive His unfailing mercy.

·        That realisation will humble us and make us see the importance of devotion to Him in this birth. If we had been devoted to Him in our previous births, would we be here on this Earth now? Would we not have been liberated? If we had shown our devotion through an ‘anjali’ to the Supreme One would He not have granted us moksha?

·        All we have to do to make God melt is to offer anjali to Him. The very first letter ‘a’ in the word ‘anjali’ is itself auspicious because ‘a’ refers to Vishnu. It is for this reason that Ramanuja began his Sri Bhashyam with the word ‘akhila’. The use of this word was to indicate that Vishnu is the Lord and Master of all. But if this were the intention, Ramanuja could as well have begun his Sri Bhashyam with the word ‘nikhila’ which would have conveyed the same meaning. But he preferred ‘akhila’ because of the significance of the letter ‘a.’ Thus, the Supreme One is indicated by the very first letter of the word ‘anjali’, and the very first letter in Ramanuja’s commentary is also ‘a.’

·        We have no refuge except His feet. Imagine a bird that has fallen asleep on a ship. When it wakes up, the ship has sailed several miles from the shore. The bird does not know in which direction its home lies. It makes a few tentative flights from the ship, but is afraid to venture too far, and comes back to the ship. In the same way, we are confused and unable to judge which is the way for liberation. Our best bet is to keep close to His feet, just as the bird keeps close to the ship, for just as the ship will eventually take the bird back home so will the Lord eventually guide us to where we should be.