Sunday, September 2, 2012

Upanayanam



UPAKARMA & UPANAYANA - Significance and relevance in the present age

Introduction

  • Certain general principles pervade all religious ceremonies and Hinduism is no exception to this rule. In any religion, if the principles behind the ceremonies and rituals are not properly grasped, then they become unintelligible and the ceremonies degenerate into blind rituals. 
  • In Hinduism, all rites and ceremonies are intended to aid the embodied soul, i.e. the Jeevatma, in making its journey towards its final goal easier. The soul is said to be encased in different sheaths, (Kosas) and the ceremonies help in bringing the sheaths in which it is encased or constrained to obedience. 
  • The rites and ceremonies also help in purifying self and in making one internally strong to resist evil and to shape external conditions to one’s benefit, protection and support. 
  • If these principles and facts are properly understood, then, instead of a labyrinth of ceremonies, sounds, objects and gestures, which are likely to be interpreted or even dismissed as mere ‘mumbo-jumbo’, one can see an orderly system intended to help the individual to develop his potential more rapidly and overcome the obstacles in his way. 
  • It will in addition to enable hindu to get the best in this life also facilitate his journey towards the ultimate goal or purpose of life, namely, Moksha, or liberation.

Upakarma - origin
  • As learning and teaching became the foremost occupation for Brahmins in the early days, the Upakarma was the solemn opening of the brahminical school term or semester and Utsarga it’s closing or valedictory function, the duration of the term being 4 & half months. 
  • The term ‘Upakarma’ literally means things to be done before, or as preliminary or preparatory to a main event.  Nowadays only Upakarma is observed and that too in a vestigial form and ‘Utsarga’ has been totally discontinued, for obvious reasons. 
  • There is an example of such a prayer by an Acharya in Taitreya Upanishad:-  “All along may celebate students, thirsty to know, come to me. May they come in large numbers. May the students anxious to gain from the knowledge of Brahman control their senses. May the students anxious to live the knowledge of Brahman be peaceful… As waters flow downwards and as months merge into years, so also, O Creator, may students of Brahmavidhya come to me from everywhere…” (T.U. I.4).
  • Upakarma is commencement of studies for the new Brahmacharins and in the life of a Brahmana, ‘Upanayana’ is an important samskara. 
  • There is yet another meaning for the word Upa-nayanam, namely, additional eye or auxiliary sight. The knowledge he gains by study of the scriptures gives him the ability to see things in better perspective. 
  • Upanayanam is the Samaskara or the ceremonial rite in which the young Brahmin boy is invested with the sacred thread and initiated into the into the process of learning by the preceptor or Acharya of the Gayathri - the Holiest of all mantras in the legacy of the Rishis.
  •  After the Upanayanam is performed, the boy gets eligible to study the Vedas and as this Samaskara signifies a spiritual rebirth, the boy becomes a Dvija or a "Twice Born" after the Upanayanam is performed.
  • Etymologically speaking, the word means, taking (NAYANAM) near (UPA). In the ancient days when the scripturally ordained modes of conduct were strictly followed, the father took his son near the Gayathri Mantra, and there after near a Guru and left him under his care and tutelage soon after the Upanayanam was performed. The Guru took him near the Vedas (i.e.taught him to chant them in the traditional way) which in turn ultimately took him near God. Thus, the ceremony opens for the young Brahmachari, a succession of gates, leading to the ultimate goal of human existence - the realisation of God. In the scheme of the four ashramas prescribed for the individual, the Upanayanam Ceremony signifies the boy's entry into the ashrama namely Brahmacharya.
  • In this connection, Manu says: “The father and mother give birth to him from mutual desire so that he is born. Let this be known as his physical birth. But the birth which is given according to the ordinance, through the Savithri by the preceptor who has mastered the Vedas, that is the true birth, the undying and immortal. Of the progenitor and the giver of knowledge, the later is more venerable for the birth of knowledge for a Brahmana is more eternal, both here and after death.” ( Manu Smrti – II –146-48). 
  • The student life begins with the Upanayana ceremony and the boy is committed to the care of a teacher with whom he lives as long as his pupilage continues. 
  • Great stress was laid on chastity, cleanliness and purity during this period as vigor and strength of manhood, freedom from disease, health and long life depended more on this one virture of complete continence than any other thing.
  • The word ‘Upanayana’ means ‘bringing near’ – to whom? – To the Acharya or Guru who initiates the boy by giving him the sacred manthra called Gayathri. 
  • The boy is dressed ceremoniously and invested with ‘Yajnopavitham’ or the sacred thread. After reciting certain mantras and some questions and answers between the two, the Acharya sprinkles water on him and placing his hand on the pupil’s heart says, “Under my will I take thy heart. My mind shall thy mind follow. In my words shall thou rejoice with all thy heart? May Brahaspathi join thee to me.” 
  • Life as a curious, teenager provides ample opportunities for one to develop vices and self-abuse being the most fertile breeder of disease and pre-mature decay. The old legislators and teachers, therefore, made vow of celebacy a part of student life. 
  • Hence the very word ‘Brahmacharin’ has become synonymous with one who is under a vow of celibacy. 
  • Upakarma is now a Varshika, i.e. an annual function and conducted during the rainy season on the full moon day of Sravana month. 
  • It was in the plains of North India that the Vedic culture developed in those days. With the onset of monsoon over greater part of the country, the weather becomes pleasant and cool during this season, and the rains severely restrict movement. Persons of other ‘Varnas’ or vocations during this time will be busy with their respective occupations like agriculture, cattle grazing etc. All these are conducive for the Brahmin to engage himself in serious study.  Also, during this time, the preceptors would be in their Asrams observing their spiritual retreat (Chaturmasya). 
The process
The Investiture
Ideally, this Samaskara is to be performed when the boy is just past seven. In any case, the investiture with the sacred thread should not be delayed beyond the sixteenth year. Before the onset of adolescence, and before the dormant primordial biological urges in an individual surface, he must be initiated into the Gayathri.
The Gayathri Mantra
Literally, Gayathri means which protects him who chants it. She is the mother of all the mantras, and when chanted with devotion and single pointed concentration and purity, takes the chanter to the ultimate bliss - the knowledge of the Supreme Truth, called the Brahman. The Gayathri is a mantra praying for divine guidance to inspire and illumine the intellect so that the Jiva may know his real self - the Atman. Universal in its approach, it does not seek any personal benefit for the chanter. The venerable Bhisma, while extolling the greatness of the Gayathri from his bed of arrows declares - Where the Gayathri is chanted, ultimately deaths, involving the performance of obsequies for children by their elders will not occur. Thus it is a prayer for universal welfare which the brahmin must perform as a sacred trust enjoined on him.
Method to perform the Gayathri Mantra
The Gayathri, must be chanted in the prescribed manner, at least twice a day, as a part of the religious duty called the Sandhyavandanam, ordained for all brahmins. The Sandhyavandanam is an excellent daily exercise in quitening the mind and rendering it fit for meditation on the highest truth epitomized by the Gayathri. Because of its great importance as a spiritual practice, the sastras have proclaimed its primacy of place in unequivocal terms, to the extent that no exceptions are provided. It has to be definitely performed thrice daily, throughout one's life. All the good things a brahmin may do are of no avail, if he fails to perform his Sandhyavandanam and Gayathri Japa regularly. The scriptures are unanimous on this point. The immense benefit accruing from regular and assiduous practice of the Sandhyavandanam and chanting of the Gayathri, is something that each individual can corroborate by his own experience.
The Sacred Thread
The sacred thread with which the Vatu is invested on the holy occasion of Upanayanam, may be compared to an electric circuit. Even as any leakage point in an electric circuit will result in a drain of precious electrical energy, any object, like key or coin, tied to the sacred thread, serve as leakage points through which the carefully garnered spiritual power of the Gayathri is frittered away. The sacred thread must therefore be kept free from association with any other object.
Bhikshakaranam
In the days of the past, the brahmachari went out into the streets to beg for alms from various houses - Bhikshakaranam. This is being done symbolically today. While it may be very difficult to practice Bhikshakaranam daily in today's conditions, we would do well at least keep in mind the spirit underlying the Bhikshakaranam and try to imbibe the virtues it inculcates. The practice of Bhikshakaranam will induce humility and quell the ego - it will root out all difference of high and low, wealthy and poor, as every brahmachari, regardless of his family's standing, has to practice it. Above all, it will enable the young Vatu to overcome the craving of the tongue, and induce the restraint of the senses so very necessary for properly imbibing the Vedic Knowledge.
The rites
The rites prescribed to be performed during the Upakarma are the following: -
1.  Samitha Dhanam(For the new initiates only)
2.  Kamokarsheet Japam
3.  Brahma Yagnam
4.  Mahasankalpam
5.  Yagnopavedharanam
6.  Khandarishi Tharpanam
7.  Sravana Homam
8.  Gayathri Japam (On the following day)
Samithadanam
·        The initiate performs this part of the rite to invoke the blessing of Agni and also to get a feeling of security.  He prays to Agni to bestow him with vigor, brilliance, clear intellect, memory etc. As he offers the twigs of Aswatha tree (Samith) to the fire, he says,
·        Oh Fire! Just as you glow with effulgence by consuming these twigs, so also let my brilliance, lustre, knowledge etc glow by thy grace. Bless me with life, wealth, progeny, vigor, energy and power. Let me become the best among the benefactors, best among the twice-born, best among the householders, best among the students and so on.  Let me have everything in life in abundance”.
·        Finally he takes a little of the ashes from the Homa Kunda and mixing it with a little water to form a paste applies it on the different parts of the body with the conviction that it will act as an armor or talisman against all possible evils.
·        Here it should be appreciated that this was meant to act as a psychological factor in boosting the morale and self confidence of the youngster who is required to stay away from home in a new environment [old time Gurukula] amongst strangers.
Kamokarsheet Japam
·        This rite was not part of the prescribed rituals of Upakarma during the Vedic period, but appears to have been introduced later, necessitated possibly due to decline in morals and discipline in the Gurukulas, to remind the students that they should be alert against temptation to ward off evils.
·        The repetition of the mantra is to remind the student that it is lust and anger that are the root cause of all sins and the need to be ever vigilant against becoming prey to temptation and losing one’s composure.
Brahma Yagnam
·        Learning and teaching the scriptures is Brahma Yagna. (“Adhyapanam Brahma Yagnam uchyate”). 
·        Unfortunately, it has become a rite done only in a vestigial form now. But in early days the Brahmins were engaged both in learning and teaching the scriptures. Hence the reciting the first line of each of the four Vedas as token of having started the study is also to remind him of the obligation to teach the same to others in the society.
·        This is followed by a solemn resolve to do only those actions that are noble and great.
Mahasankalpam
·        In this, the participants after affirming the place, time and their identity makes solemn resolve to complete study of certain chosen texts during the particular semester. It also constitutes specifying the syllabus they wish or intend to cover during this semester.
·        A purification process precedes this ‘Great Resolution’, as the very name of this part of the rite signifies. This entails asking for forgiveness for possible sins committed in the (immediate) past, i.e. the previous year, followed by a bath, which is symbolic of the cleanliness he obtains, both internally and externally.
·        Surprisingly, this part of the rite has got so corrupted over the ages that now the participants are made only to ask forgiveness or pardon for possible sins he might have done, knowingly or unknowingly. He is made to narrate a list of these sins and the syllabus to be covered is conveniently forgotten or left out!

Yagnopaveetha Dharanam

·        This is the part of the ceremony where the participants put on new ‘Sacred Thread’. The ‘Sacred Thread’ bestowed on them the necessary authority and also served as an external sign of having the required authority as well as competence to carry out the duties assigned to and expected of the Brahmins as prescribed in the scriptures, namely, the Srutis and the Smrtis.
·        It was something similar to the uniform worn by the police officer or the gown worn by the lawyers in the present day, signifying both competence and authority.
·        It also added to the personality of the Brahmin in the society. The wording of the Mantra is very clear and specific in denoting this: -
·        Srautha Smartha vihita nithya karma anushtana yogyatha siddhyartham – To have the competence and authority to perform the duties prescribed in the scriptures, namely, the Vedas and Smritis.
·        Brahmatejo abhivrthartham - To enable the satisfaction (one gets as a result of the Study of the Vedas and observance of the regimen prescribed in the scriptures) to develop in me..
·        yagnopaveedha dharanam karishe - I put on this (symbolic) upper garment.
·        The old thread worn till then is discarded saying,"I discard hereby this worn-out, the decayed and despicable thing, (i.e. the old thread worn till then) but not the “effulgence in me nor the long life I aspire for”.
Kandarishi Tharpanam
·        Before commencing any auspicious or meritorious undertaking, in ancient days, it was customary to invoke the blessings of the Gods or the divine and the ancestors.
·        So, the acharya and the students together perform a tharpana to invoke the blessings of those rishis who are the authors of the various khandas of the Vedas and also the ancestors. Hence the name ‘Khandarishi Tarpanam’ for this part of the ritual.
Sravana Homa
·        In Hinduism, all functions commence with ritual prayer and invocations. The Sravana Homa is the principal rite wherein the teacher and the disciples together perform the ritual worship of Homa wherein they offer oblations to the Gods to invoke their blessings so that the intended program of study goes through without any impediments.
·        The teacher then initiates the study of Vedas saying, “Upakrta vai Veda”, meaning, ‘the study of Vedas has begun’. Here again the first lines of the four Vedas and the Vedangas are recited as token of having started the study.
·        After the performance of Homa, the students offer to the teacher their contribution (Dakshina) commensurate with their resources or capacity. The prasadam is distributed and the students disburse with his permission and his blessings.
Gayathri Japam
·        Gayathri is a Manthra (Spiritual and/or Mystical chant) for invoking the blessings of the God or Supreme Reality to grant intellectual competence or brilliance.
·        The Brahmin is required to recite this twice a day with his prayers. The Sandhya which, as the very name implies, is to be done during the twilight hours of each day – dawn & dusk.
·        The Grahya Sutras prescribe recitation of Gayathri 108 times during each Sandhya Vandhana.
·        The Japa of Gayathri 1008 times on the day following Upakarma serves two purposes. 
     Firstly, as a long or protracted prayer to the Divine to illumine the intellect and 
    secondly, as an exercise in concentration and contemplation very essential for one taking up study of serious subjects like religion and philosophy.

Relevance of upakarma in the present age
·    The Brahmin, by and large, have abandoned primary or the prescribed occupations, namely, studying and teaching the scriptures, and have, for various reasons, taken to different occupations and diverse ways of life. Hence, the brahmin community is undergoing a ‘Diaspora’ (i.e. a great dispersion) necessitated by several factors.
·   The Asrama and Varna Dharma have become totally unacceptable to the present social as well as political setup. Consequently, the rites and ceremonies relating to the above concept of Dharma are also becoming redundant.
·   From a pragmatic approach or a purely commercial point of view, these rites may be irrelevant and hence they certainly could be dispensed with. But, the question arises,
o   “Is everything in life to be reduced to purely temporal level and valued only from a commercial point of view or on monetary basis only?
o   Is it prudent for a community to dispense with its traditions, culture and its very ethos overnight?
o   Though these rites appear quaint today and do not produce any tangible gains, can it be said with certainty they will be so in the future too?  That posterity will not need them!
·   One should not forget the fact that, the world, though undergoing rapid changes and is evolving new paradigms of behavior and concepts of values, these phenomena are cyclic in nature.
·    Doctrines, theories and practices denounced as absurd, baseless and even potentially harmful to the community or humanity at one time, not only got credence but also acceptance subsequently in light of new discoveries, changed conditions and concepts. 
·    This may give rise in the days to come, again to a new class of ‘custodians of knowledge’ and its dissemination to the rest of the community, which is the very essence as well as the root of the Brahminic culture and ethos. This being so, by giving up totally our traditions and practices, will not we the Brahmins end up in a cultural vacuum without any roots?
·    We see in every other religion, community and ethnic group a conscious and consistent effort to assert their identity, revive what little they have as their culture and even what has gone into disuse. They also take every effort to preserve and resuscitate their own culture and traditions and take pride in them.
·    This being so, are Brahmins going to obliterate their very identity especially when the members of this community are being marginalized and even ostracized for misdeeds committed in the past by their ancestors, as people are trying to obliterate the very identity of the community?

Avatars of Vishnu


Avatars of Vishnu [Dashavatara]
Lord Vishnu is prominent as the Preserver of the universe. Vishnu's restoring, shielding and conserving powers have been apparent in the world in a sequence of ten mortal incarnations known as Avatars. The Avatar concept is the very cornerstone of Hindu theology. According to it, the Supreme power manifests itself in animal or human forms on earth, with the divine mission of cleansing it of the periodically increasing evil. The Avatar concept is closely related to the measurement of time in Hindu theology which has its basis on one working day of Brahma. The avatars appear in order to balance the effect of good and evil upon the earth. It is believed that nine avatars have already descended:
·         3 in non human form,
·         1 in hybrid form and
·         5 in human form.
Of the 10 universally recognized avatars, nine have already appeared whereas the tenth is yet to appear. These ten avatars are also known by the name of Dasha Avatar of Vishnu. All the Avatars are mortal form of Lord Vishnu, who himself is eternal, consistent and undeniable.

The Dasha Avatar of Vishnu are briefly discussed here:
1
Matsya Avatar
Lord Vishnu in the form of Fish
The first avatar, Matsya, was taken by Lord Vishnu at the end of the Satyuga (last age), when a flood destroyed the world. Through this avatar, he saved humanity and the sacred Veda text from the flood.
2
Kurma Avatar
Lord Vishnu in the form of Turtle
The second avatar, Kurma, was taken in the Satyuga (last age) to help the Devas and to obtain the amrut (nectar) of immortality which was also sought after by the Asuras (demons). He helped in creating the world by giving support of his back through this avatar.
3
Varaha Avatar
Lord Vishnu in the form of Boar
The third avatar, Varaha, was taken at the end of the last flood in the Satyuga, when Bhoomi Devi (Earth Mother) sank to the bottom of the ocean. Vishnu, in the form of varaha, dived into the ocean and raised the goddess out of the ocean, supported by his two tusks.
4
Narsimha Avatar
Lord Vishnu in the form of Half - Man and Half - Lion
The fourth Avatar, Narsimha, was taken in the Satyuga (last age) to kill a tyrant demon king. Narsimha is the only avatar which was Hybrid in form being half human and half animal.
5
Vamana Avatar
Lord Vishnu in the form of a Dwarf
The fifth avatar, Vamana, appeared in the Tretayuga in order to destroy Bali, the king of demons. He came during a huge ceremony conducted by the king and cleverly asked for just three feet of land, measured by his own small feet. Vamana covered whole of the earth and the heaven, subduing Bali into his feet.
6
Parshurama Avatar
Lord Vishnu in the form of a Brahmin
The sixth avatar, Parshurama, appeared in the Tretayuga to destroy the warrior caste. When the kings of the earth became despotic and started to harm people and saints in the forest, Vishnu incarnated as Parshurama and destroyed all the kings who were harassing the people.
7
Rama Avatar
Lord Vishnu in the form of the King
The seventh avatar, Rama, the prince and king of Ayodhaya, appeared in the Tretayuga, to rescue Sita with his loyal servant Hanuman and his brother, Lakshmana, and killed the demon Ravana. Lord Rama became one of the most popular gods in the Hindu religion.
8
Krishna Avatar
Lord Vishnu in the form of a Cowherd's Boy
The eighth avatar, Krishna, along with his brother Balarama, appeared in the Dwaparyuga to kill the demon king, Kansa. Lord Krishna conveyed the message of love and humanity to the world. Krishna told the epic poem Bhagavad Gita to the warrior Arjuna ,in which he acclaimed : ''Whenever Dharma, or the situation of law and order, is endangered on this world, I incarnate onto this world to re establish Dharma, law and order, and to protect the Sadhus or saints and to destroy the evil elements of the society.''
9
Buddha Avatar
Lord Vishnu in the Form of Buddha
The ninth avatar, Mahavira Buddha, appeared in the Kalyuga, to teach the lesson of following a middle path in life. ''Buddha'' means 'the enlightened one'. He taught that all sorrow comes from attachments and desires, so it's better to curb all attachments in order to remain happy.
10
Kalki Avatar
Lord Vishnu in the form of Horse
The tenth Avatar, Kalki, ("Eternity", or "time", or "The Destroyer of foulness"), is yet to appear on the earth. And it is expected to appear at the end of Kali Yuga, the time period in which we currently exist, which will end in the year 428899 CE.

Karmendriyas & Jnanendriyas

The Indriyas – the Sense Organs
      By its nature, the mind is in permanent motion and is affected in every moment by images, sounds and other messages, which it perceives through the senses. According to yoga, the indriyas, or sense organs are 11 in number — comprised of 5 jnanendriyas, 5 karmendriyas, and manas (mind). 
Pancha Jnanendriyas
    Jnanendriya comes from the roots jnana (wisdom), and Indra who was the God of the ‘sensory’ heaven in Hinduism. These are the 5 lower sense organs — those which allows one to perceive the world around them. They are:
(1.)      Shotra    — ears
(2.)      Chakshu — eyes
(3.)      Grahna    — nose
(4.)      Jivha — tongue
(5.)   Tvak — skin

Pancha Karmendriyas
Literally translated, karmendriya means ‘organ of action’ – that which facilitates our sensory contact with the outer world — or that which enables us to interact with the material objects of the world. These 5 organs of action are:
(1.)      Pada (feet) — for locomotion
(2.)      Pani (hands) — for dexterity
(3.)      Payu (rectum) — for excretion
(4.)      Upastha (genitals) — for reproduction
(5.)   Vak (mouth) — for speech.
The Practice of Pratyahara
         Control of the sense organs can, to a certain extent, be achieved relatively easily with a certain degree of effort and attention.
(1.)      Sight can easily be restrained by closing the eyes.
(2.)    The sense of smell can be tapered by slow and controlled breathing, whereby the air/odour does not reach the upper nasal passages which contain the olfactory sensors.
(3.)      Taste can be inhibited by cleaning the mouth and keeping it closed while breathing.
(4.)      The tactile sense of touch can be muted by settling oneself into a comfortable and steady position.
(5.)      Even the faculty of hearing can be greatly mitigated by preparing a quiet place, free as much as possible from external sounds.
Controlling the karmendriyas
(1.)      Employment of hasta mudras helps to bring conscious control over the hands.
(2.)   Asanas which lock up the legs, such as padma asana, or certain other sitting positions restrain the urge to move the feet (to wander).
(3.)      The practice of mauna, or silence restrains the speech.
(4.)     Ongoing cultivation of a healthy, restrained diet, and avoidance of alcohol, smoking, junk food and other indulgences can ease the cravings of the karmendriyas from mouth to anus.
(5.)   To a certain extent, the control of the sexual urge can be also be attained by removing oneself from sexual stimulating external factors. For instance, retreating into nature, practicing within a spiritual centre or community, or creating a special place/room within your abode that is reserved only for spiritual practice and thus becomes infused with pure energies.
Attaining Pratyahara
·         Pratyahara relies solely on the development of the ‘Higher Mind’, to which the control of the sense organs must ultimately be elevated.
·         Pratyahara is the 5th stage of sage Patanjali’s 8-limbed Ashtanga Yoga, which could be described as “withdrawing the senses away from the external surroundings and distractions.”
·       The first 4 stages of yama, niyama, asana and pranayama, have been systematically designed to condition the body, the emotions and the mind for ‘yoga’, or the more subtle, inner practices of dharana (concentration), dhyana (meditation) and samadhi (mystic absorption), the 6th, 7th and 8th limbs of yoga.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Me, myself and my ramblings


·        For the first 25 of my life the world had exclusive rights to programming my brain.
·        For the next 25 years, I rented it out to the society and various corporates for money.
·        For the next 25 years of my life… I want exclusive rights to my brain.
o   Why? To do only what I think is right and enjoyable. All I want to do is to think, read and write. To travel and work for my own pleasure, to be free…

What do I really want?
Happiness.
Where does happiness lie?
It lies in good health, good thoughts and emotions.
What is the way to good health?
Cleanliness, regularity, good food, exercise, sufficient rest, good posture and good habits go a long way to keeping us healthy.
What is the way to good emotions?
Good health contributes to good emotions. Unhappy and restless people add to bad emotions. Exploiters, Offenders and crooks lead to bad emotions. Desire beyond our ability to satisfy it and people who try to sell such desire to you, the “marketers of desires” lead to bad emotions. Peaceful, contented people and enlightened people lead to good emotions. People who make unreasonable demands on you, beyond your ability to deliver lead to bad emotions.
What are good and bad emotions?
1.   A desire to live is a good emotion.
2.   Love and generosity are good emotions.
3.   People and events that create in you a desire to live, to love and to give are good for your emotions.
1.   A desire to die is a bad emotion. Living in fear of death is a bad emotion.
2.   Hatred and pettiness are bad emotions that eat at your core.
3.   People who incite you to hatred, pettiness and a desire to die are bad for your emotions.
Can people you are close to and love, cause bad emotions?
Yes, they can. Sometimes strangers can cause you peace and family can cause you misery. Sometimes families can demand that you are sufficiently miserable to show that you care about what they care about. Sometimes families bail you out of miserable situations caused by strangers and foes. You need family.
Can temporary separation help?
It can help at times and with some people. With some people, that is the only way!
Is it safe to have expectations of others?
It is generally safe to have only such expectations of others that are in line with their nature. For example, my family loves activity. So I can expect them to always be doing or wanting activity. If I want them to meditate they will fail my expectations.
What if the world has expectations of you that you cannot deliver or do not want to deliver and simply won’t let up?
Comply, fight or flee. If you cannot comply or fight and you have nowhere to go, you can try inner detachment and keep to yourself. Then you will be nagged at. Like Rip Van Winkle. People believe they have a right to expect stuff from you. If the people close to you are like Cinderalla’s step mother you can also expect to be ill-treated and overworked. Then only God and fairy godmothers can help you.
Then, is it impossible to have good emotions?
It is quite difficult if you are in the category of the exploited whether you are poor or an heiress, it makes no difference. Black Slaves, in America found music and humour. Indians found God and spirituality. Whites found power and dominance.

How do I view my life's achivements? 
Life, for me, is not about commercial success or material gains. For me, it is about small pleasures, rich relationships, happy introspection and the ability to make peace with my soul that I have only added joys to people and never subtracted them.

Intense introspection, arguably is one predictable way to gain wisdom and to spend a few minutes every night meditating and praying about the purpose of life before going to sleep is definitely soothing to the heart.

How do I measure my life?
For the educated few, and certainly those graduating from any professional School, a good measure of a life is the footsteps you leave behind. These could be values in your offsprings or teachings to your colleagues, friends and followers. A well-lived impact is not a legacy of wealth, making enough wealth to pass on to future generations but small measures to meaningfully improving the world. The East looks inward to chart and measure growth of the self; the West measures external impact. But what of average lives that cannot be measured through achievement either in the material sense or any impacting sense of contribution? It is by an achievement fulfilled by cultivation of people and when one can proudly answer the following questions with pride:
·    Who will come to my birthday when I turn 80?
·   Who will I invite to be with you when I have little to gain and nothing to prove? As per me, it will be those people who are part of me; the people I love, the folks I care about..

So, then how would I like to measure the barometer of my life? 
By increasing the surface area of the people I touch with my love. Unlike monuments that can be built; unlike intelligence, which can be faked; I wish to learn to love frail, powerless or helpless friends and dysfunctional families with tolerance and generosity.
Affection is not about what one does but it is about who we inherently are. Worst of all, from a goal-oriented point of view, it cannot be measured, only felt. Building a web of affection is, to my mind, the hardest goal there is; and also one of the few goals worth pursuing to the end so that we can then state happily: A life well lived! 

What must my epitaph read?
Here lies a harmless man who touched lives positively and impacted people with empathy and compassion.